Finding my place

Since leaving high school in 2014, I have struggled to find my place in this world. I have no idea what I want to do with my life.

All I know at this moment is that I like to write, but I’m no good at being a journalist… I’m no good at interviews. I kinda want to work in an office, but all the jobs I’ve been looking at require you to have your drivers license… I don’t have mine for a very good reason but more on that another time.

There’s nothing that I’m really amazing at except for sitting on the couch, binge watching tv shows and movies (it’s currently 1.30pm and I’ve already watched two movies, any more and I’ll be late for football/soccer practice). I can’t even play Sims properly. I use cheats and get bored. I’ve tried playing without cheats but the sims whine too much about uncomfortable beds and cold showers and gross food. It’s a drag.

At the moment I’m working a part time job at a supermarket. I work two days a week, a six hour shift and a three hour shift. It’s not much but it gives me a little bit of food money for the week. It’s the reason I am still living with my parents, also the fact that a lot of rentals don’t allow pets and I am so not giving up my cat.

I’ve tried studying but I’m not an academic person and if I don’t like something or the way something is done I don’t do it, I’m too stubborn. Sometimes it’s things out of my control.

Last year, I was studying journalism and one of my classes was about reporting on bicultural and diverse matters. The class only lasted a semester, which I was happy about, the tutor did my head in and I honestly didn’t know how he got the job with some of the things he said. The first half of the first semester got all mixed up and jumbled because of illnesses, the tutor not getting subs and also events we were covering for other classes got in the way. Because of this, one of our assignments got scrapped because we weren’t able to complete it.

Or so I thought.

A week before all our assignments were due for the end of the year, an email popped into my inbox. It was a message from the tutor saying I still owed him this assignment. I was still trying to get other things done as well as my internship and my actual job so I could keep living in the flat I was in at the time. I emailed back saying I was under the impression that this assignment was scrapped and he replied back saying “please read the original email”. I was so angry I just didn’t bother. I didn’t need the stress of trying to get something that normally takes a couple of weeks done in a week.

Maybe I’m just lazy or too stubborn for my own good but I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do.

All I know is I want to live life to the fullest. But, it’s hard when you just want to know that some time in the future you will find your place when there’s no way of knowing what the future holds.

Maybe I’ll find my place in Europe when I (hopefully) travel there next year.

Maybe I’ll find it later this year.

Maybe I’ll find it in 10 years time.

I just want to find it.

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